Sometimes I think that my problems seems so huge, so insurmountable, and that no one in the history of ever has had to make these kinds of decisions or face these kinds of issues.
I am wrong. My stuff is nothing.
When we decided to home school (beginning next school year) it was a big deal for us. It was a huge decision and one that was not made without many long discussions and sometimes heated and emotionally charged conversations. It began with Owen and some problems that he was having at school that began to affect him physically as well as his grades. My first reaction was to well…react. I wanted to jerk him out of his class and let him sit next to me and not make him do anything that he didn’t like until he was 38. A few deep breaths later I had gathered myself and realized that Owen will not be 38 for many, many years and perhaps that option would be a bit rash. I rethought, read, gathered my tools and began the “home school crusade.”
I believe in home school, and I did my research, both online, through books and talking to actual live homeschooling peeps. I believe that it will work for our kids and our family.
My mistake was in thinking that home school was the only way.
I should probably pause here and say that we have not made any concrete decisions to NOT home school next year. There is this other thing, that I still can’t really talk about here yet, and we are considering both options. I am not really a long term kind of person, and this is so totally a long term thing…which is making it tough. (again::reminder to me that my stuff is nothing.)
For some reason I have this view of God as being super mysterious. In every area of my life that involves options and decisions I think this::
“Okay, I have these two (or three or thirteen million) options. Um, this must be some sort of test from God to see if I can guess which one is the right one. (beginning to get sweaty pits.) Pick the right door to get the prize of blessing and being in God’s will. But…I stink at tests. I can’t make a good decision. Pro and con lists can only get me so far…and dang it! We had already made a choice. We were headed in THIS direction. Now how am I supposed to know what to do!?!?! What if I pick the wrong door? What if I make the wrong choice? I can’t…”
So I fret and worry and do nothing except fret and worry and sweat. Except that this is a big deal, and it’s a long term thing. I believe I said I am not good a long term, didn’t I? I told Doug about my thoughts. About the “test” thing. He assured me that he doesn’t believe that God operates that way. And then I talked to another friend and she told me that when God gives us options that we are free to make a choice. There may not be one “right thing.” And God can bless our choice no matter what. He is God after all. So now, I am not sweating the test thing anymore. I am still praying for a clear mind (and a roadblock if one of these options is the wrong one.)
It feels good to be wrong about my thinking. I am glad that I don’t have to always know what the best thing is and I am so thankful for friends that I can confide in. Godly friends that have honest, loving, spirit filled lives and opinions.
And as a side note: Why am I suddenly the sweatiest person around? I can’t go without wet pit marks on my shirts. For a class party for Avery’s 2nd grade, I was asked to do a couple kid songs with motions. I know about 2 gillion songs from church so Avery and I picked a few to teach her class and do at the party. During the actual party and song/dance thing I had the grossest pits. Right through my t shirt and onto my zip up hoodie. Mind you, all of these songs have "”hands over your head” motions of some sort. There were tons of parents there and a couple people taking pictures. I know that there are sweaty pit pictures of me floating around the school somewhere…gag.
Sorry, that story has nothing to do with this post. But for real…it’s a problem.
additional side note: when you ask Ethan to give you his best smile, this is what you get. Lovely.
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